So I downed 32 oz of coffee . Im pumped with caffeine , i feel the need to update this space as Im taking a 15 minute break from studying right now .
I realized that I am actually scared of my future . I do not want it to be a mundane , 9-5 I hate my job fix . Im talking about my career in the future whatever it may be . I swear if everyday is a boring cycle Im going to be so mad at myself for letting this happen to me . Of course i want the cliches in life which is to be happy , to travel , to be surrounded with good company , and to make my parents proud and is there another source of happiness other than materials and people ? Do we really have to turn to someone or something to make us feel good about ourself . Yuck we are all clingy .
If you have to say something then say it , if you have the need to do something different then by all means just go for it . I wish I could live by these words but I can't because theres always something that stops me and I am so sick of it . Im doing this to myself . Also I hate seeing people making things complicated and difficult for others . As if they're not dealing with so much already . Im sorry If I have ever made you feel horrible. Because I dont know what Im doing myself . and nothing feels worse than not knowing what to do with yourself .
I dare not say life is simple because it's always an endless game of searching and working hard towards a feeling of achievement and belonging . and in the end the only person that knows you best is yourself so whatever it is that needs fixing you can do it without anyone's help . I know theres a lot in store for me in the future and I hope to take every opportunity as it is . I dont want to impress anyone else but myself . And if people dont like what they see in me , screw it . Why would you want to alter your original being . Dont change if you're happy with who you are and you already have people who see you as a person they care for . Unless you're a nutcase psycho then you have to get help . and dont waste time helping people who wont help themselves because you'll only drag yourself into a mess someone else started .
I dare not say life is simple because it's always an endless game of searching and working hard towards a feeling of achievement and belonging . and in the end the only person that knows you best is yourself so whatever it is that needs fixing you can do it without anyone's help . I know theres a lot in store for me in the future and I hope to take every opportunity as it is . I dont want to impress anyone else but myself . And if people dont like what they see in me , screw it . Why would you want to alter your original being . Dont change if you're happy with who you are and you already have people who see you as a person they care for . Unless you're a nutcase psycho then you have to get help . and dont waste time helping people who wont help themselves because you'll only drag yourself into a mess someone else started .
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